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Regardless of that I need to address this. I'm going to write her a letter because I feel like her actions shouldn't cause me to have to sit through an awkward conversation, and feel even more uncomfortable.

Do you guys have any suggestions for what to write? I'm not sure if I should just assume that's what she was doing in the letter or try and give her the benefit of the doubt.

I'm just unsure of how to write this letter in general. Thanks for reading! I'm at work now so if you reply, and I don't comment back I still appreciate your feedback.

Also sorry for any errors in my writing I'm on mobile. If it were me I'd probably address it in person and I'd probably go for a tone that was blunt but not aggressive.

Something along the lines of, "So that was pretty awkward this morning, huh? I don't want to embarrass you, but can we maybe have a rule that we'll keep, ahem, personal time for when the other roommate isn't around?

Then let us never speak of this again. So I ended Up doing what you said. No letter. Now that I'm out of the situation I realize that was kind of a dumb idea.

It's hard to be rational when it's directly affecting you, Reddit seems to forget that. Thank you for your solid input!

I think you are ascribing all sorts of motivations to this that aren't there. I get that it would be uncomfortable to catch someone like that, but I'm not sure why you've jumped to the worst case scenario "She's a pervert!

She is trying to molest me by making me part of her sick masturbation game! Likely, she woke up early, had urges and thought she could knock one out before you woke up.

She seemed appropriately embarrassed and stopped when she knew you were awake. The way you describe it, it seems like she started you in the eye while speeding up her strokes, all the while moaning your name.

I agree with the suggestion of mentioning how awkward it was and agreeing to BOTH be careful in the future. But stop demonizing the poor girl for trying to get her rocks off, and just accept that shit happens some times when live with others in close quarters.

You're right that I don't know her motives. I was just thinking. Honestly describing her motives in my post was just me getting my thoughts on "paper".

Regardless what she did was wrong, beyond wrong. You're acting like I looked over at her picking her nose. No she was masturbating. It's inappropriate.

Again, if she had done it while you were awake, I might agree. Actually, I'd totally agree. But you were asleep, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and think that she didn't think you would notice.

If she was masturbating in public and went by that logic I didn't think anyone would notice she would be arrested.

But she was in her private room. Don't bring strawmen into this, it's kinky enough already. I think you are uptight and overreacting. You sound like one of those religious extremist who says masturbation is a sin.

Maybe, you should try masturbating to lighten up a little. I don't have a religion, nor was my problem religion based. I'm uncomfortable with someone masturbating while I'm present without my permission.

I find it odd that Reddit finds that odd, but hey! Either way I sat her down, we talked it out, and agreed that we wouldn't do that when another person was in the room.

You should really try talking to her if you can get yourself to do it. I wish I could talk to her, but honestly it's just uncomfortable.

I feel like I shouldn't be punished by having this conversation for something I didn't do. In my letter I was thinking about putting somethings like "I don't mean this passive aggressively, but I'm writing this to save us both from an uncomfortable conversation".

You will need to be able to talk to people about these kinds of issues, saying you don't want to be passive aggressive in a note is very passive aggressive.

Either talk to her face to face and be an adult or go to your RA and file a complaint or something. I don't think you understand.

I CAN talk to her. I just don't want to nor do I think I should have to make myself uncomfortable. This subreddit suggests writing notes all the time and I assume those comments are written by adults.

I don't see a problem with it. Since there is such a push to talk to her in person I will consider it. You're right about pointing it out as non-passive aggressive making it more passive aggressive.

If I write her a note I will revise that statement. I think OP is a member of the Bluth family. Some traumatic lessons, learnt at a young age with the assistance of a one armed man, has taught her to always leave a note.

I understand. Communication is important ad so is mutual respect. You being uncomfortable isn't a punishment for something you didn't do, and by worrying about writing a letter and posting here you are giving yourself more stress than a simple, "Hey, we both know what you've been doing, please don't do that when I'm in the room.

It makes me uncomfortable. No matter what you say in a letter, it can never be as effective as talking in person. Also, as someone who has lived with bad roommates in the past and have a few years of college under my belt, you will be in plenty of awkward conversations and it is completely normal to be in awkward conversations.

You shouldn't let the awkwardness bother you. Masturbating is natural. The only safe place to do it in is in one's bed and in your shared specific living situation, when the other person is not there or asleep.

You don't 'need' to do anything, and you especially don't 'need' to go out of your way to control someone else's sexual habits that you accidentally interrupted by waking up.

You don't 'need' to embarrass her further by writing her a whole note describing how you caught her. Sharing a room sucks.

I am sorry you are uncomfortable, but I think you really need to grow up and bite the bullet. You think OP needs to "grow up"? In the grown up world masturbating in front of someone else without their consent is considered sexual harassment.

I'm a college student in a similar shared living situation and I think OP's roommate is completely out of line. OP is entitled because she doesn't want her roommate masturbating while she's in the room?

Why do you feel that this is disrespectful of her? This is her room and her space as well. People masturbate, girls too.

How did you discover her last time? Was she doing it at a time when she would have normally expected you to be home?

Did she seem like she was trying to hide it? In this instance it sounds like she was taking care of herself early in the morning before you had gotten up.

Then you did wake up naturally, without her actions causing you to wake up and she moved her hand away. As such I very much doubt this is a fetish of any kind.

Again I reiterate that this is also her space, her room. Where else do you recommend she go? It's not fair, and it sucks, but it seems fairly immature to me to be this upset about it.

I don't necessarily think a confrontation is necessary, but if you're still uncomfortable enough to think this warrants a conversation, perhaps you should approach this like you had seen her having sex in the room.

Set ground rules for BOTH of you to follow. Do not treat this as something she shouldn't be doing. Masturbating is normal and there's a lot of stigma already surrounding it that she's probably feeling really embarrassed by it, don't make your relationship more awkward by shaming her for it.

Keep it short and simple, use I statements etc. I agree with you because I used to get off all the time when I was in college and shared a room with another person.

To my knowledge they never heard me or anything. I also assume they did it too. I don't understand how you don't understand how wrong this is.

Yes I realize all people masturbate, even I masturbate and I happen to be a girl so ya'know gonna assume other girls do to. What is wrong with this situation is that she did it in a room with another person in it.

Just like people who masturbate in public are wrong, people who masturbate with other people around are just as wrong.

You're right. This is her space, and her room. It's also mine. I'm respectful enough to only masturbate when she isn't around, and she should be to.

I'm not shaming her for masturbating, I'm confronting her for masturbating while I was around. This sounds like a massive misunderstanding, and frankly, a little aggressive on your part.

It seems like you understand that it's a natural thing - you do it too - but are clinging to the pretty irrational, IMHO idea of her being some kind of sexual predator.

If you do confront her, please at least try to be understanding. Sharing such a small, private space is incredibly difficult; communication and keeping an open mind are crucial to getting along.

That doesn't mean you don't deserve to live in a comfortable place, but it does mean you have to at least try. She has time when I'm not home when she is more than welcomed to masturbate.

If for some reason she has some huge need to masturbate where I'm there then there is a private bathroom she is more than welcomed to use.

Masturbating in a public space is very different from masturbating in a shared bedroom space. Both of you have an expectation of privacy.

You mentioned that you always wait for her to be gone until you yourself masturbate. Does she also have that opportunity? Does she have a really shitty schedule that means she never has the room for herself?

Does she even masturbate that often? Maybe she only really feels the need to do so in the early morning.

Maybe she does it all the time and you've never noticed. Maybe this is literally the second time she's ever masturbated and both times she's been caught by you.

What would you want her to do if roles were reversed? In some case where you did masturbate while she was in the room.

This line of questioning is probably really uncomfortable to think about but it might become necessary to address them if you do confront her, verbally or written.

Because when you confront her you will most likely need to compromise on this issue because both of your needs need to be met -- her need to masturbate and your need to not be around when she does.

This may seem unnecessary and harsh but as you probably already know, that's the nature of relationships and sharing space.

That's why I said that I didn't think confrontation was necessary because if it really needs to be talked about then it might devolve into all those questions, and quite honestly this might be a mountain out of a mole hill issue because it is an incredibly awkward situation.

If you still feel the need to confront her, I'd say go with the joke it off route first because she's probably hella embarrassed.

EG: haha that was hella awkward when i accidentally saw you jilling off this morning, right? She has time alone to masturbate. I'm gone most of the day while she is home most of the day or at least has time off.

I have a job and am a full time student. She is just is a full time student who takes mostly internet classes.

I wouldn't masturbate in the room with her there, but if I did and I was caught and it bothered her she'd me more than welcomed to say something.

I don't have the time to read the rest, but I don't understand how you guys are defending someone who was masturbating in the same room as another person without their permission.

Just start informing her every night whether or not she has your permission to fucking touch herself. It's not like she started masturbating while you were studying You were asleep?

You sound like an awful roommate. I agree with the user above. You are way out of line. The room is private, not public. You were literally unconscious.

You were not disturbed. As soon as you were disturbed, she stopped. If that were true, you wouldn't be making a reddit post. You wouldn't be thinking about writing a letter.

You would be comfortable to simply say, "Hey roomie, when I masturbate, I try and do it when you are not in the room. I would appreciate it if you could extend me the same level of courtesy".

But you aren't, because that's not what this is about. Edit to add: She grossed you out and you want to make her pay. I would disagree too.

Fuck that. I'm a guy, and I'd be pissed waking up to my college roommate jacking it right next to me. You can put off cranking it until there's some alone time.

Please, try not to judge me or my boyfriend. It was a mistake that we'll make sure not to repeat. Your suitemate would have been embarrassed and that is why she pretended nothing happened.

I'm sure she didn't think you did this on purpose. You have apologised and that is the end of the matter as far as I can see.

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Answer Save. By addressing the issue with them in person and apologizing It's understandable because i don't even know you and sympathize.

I'm sure if you explained it the same way to them they would understand. If not, they're making an issue out of nothing.

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